something i havent done in a while;

So, I have come to the conclusion that I am a terrible blogger. Not because I don't have ideas, things to blog about, or words to say, but because 1. it takes a lot of effort, and I'm pretty much just lazy. And 2. I can’t seem to write anything personal about myself without cringing and deleting it all to right an incredibly boring and dulled down version.

So clearly I've recently been blogging more about fashion and such. Because I love it, but I guess also because I am too afraid to tell about the real me. I am starting to wonder when this happened. I have blogged about the real me since I was fourteen, and now suddenly...I have nothing to say.

So (because clearly every paragraph in this post has to start with so) I really want to make a mid-new years ish resolution. To 1. put effort into this, expressing the things I love (like fashion) and 2. to talk about myself (and my life) with no fear of sounding whiney, cheesy, bitchy, or dumb.

We will see how this goes.

I have a feeling my life is about to get a little bit crazy. But they say you will never know if you can fly if you don't jump! That would be just one of the "cheesy" things I say to get myself through every day as calmly as possible, in a world where I have NO idea where I fit in or what my purpose is. Along with "Every day is a good day, some are just better than others." , "Life is like driving through a snow storm. Even though you can only see a few feet ahead of you, you just have to believe and trust that the road will continue to appear." and "Everything happens for a reason.". Although some might call these quotes lame or cliché, they really are what get me from one day to the next without a complete and total anxiety attack break down.

So WHOA, reading over all of that I think I possibly accomplished half of my goal. Now for the other half. Who's ready for a seriously long synopsis of what I think is in this summer? Maybe tomorrow... ;

Things I've learned from songs by Taylor Swift;

1. It's better to feel something, rather than nothing at all.

2. You can only say sorry so many times before it stops meaning anything.

3. You truly cannot help who you fall madly in love with.

4. Love is difficult.

5. Breaking up with someone is never simple, or easy.  There are no clean breaks.

6. Right in this moment you might think that it is the end of the world.  But it isn't.  Life moves on.

7. Learn to laugh at those who think they are better than you.

8. Forever and always can end at any moment, for any reason.

9. Although life is not a fairytale, I will eventually find someone who will treat me like a princess.

10. Life always goes on.

11. It takes time to find yourself, but keep trying and take it day by day.

12. You're never alone when you feel like you aren't good enough.

13. Boys cheat on even the most beautiful girls.

14. Never forgive a cheater.

15. Too much time is wasted hoping for someone to love you the way you want them too.  If it is meant to be it will be.  You can't force love.

So there are the things I have learned from songs by Taylor.  I decided to write this blog because my sister got addicted to her and told me to download all the music I didnt have of hers.  So I did, and started to listening to it all.  This blog probably comes off far too cheesy for my own taste.  But they are all good points about life.  It always goes on, and when you least expect it you will find your prince.  And then it may or may not work out, but that is no reason to give up.  Life is a rollercoaster but if we didnt have hard times we would never appreciate the great ones.  Maybe life really can be a fairy tale where everyone gets their happy ending, if you just believe.

*check out Kirsten Kuehn Designs (headband shown above on Taylor) here.

trying to make a positive when you feel so negative;

so i havent written in this for a while.  weird thing is quite a bit has actually been going on, i just havent felt like writing about it.  maybe one day but not right now.  i am just thankful for my amazing family, and good friends like alisha & joe, and natalie.

life is a roller coaster, and i'm just waiting and hoping for another up...

untill then i am going to keep this minimal.

how i know i'm not an "adult" yet;

no one ever said life would be easy, no one said it would be this hard;

so, i need to decide if i want to move back to love w my parents, or stay in oly.  its basically either follow my head or follow my heart.

i think i will be able to find a job in idaho, and save, and then get my life back on track and eventually save enough to move to idaho.

or i can stay in oly and keep trying to find a job even though i am starting to doubt i ever will, and be w ricky.  but we fight so much because i have no job, and half the time i want to go back home because we arent getting along.

but i mean what if i cant find a job in idaho.  then i would be over there, missing ricky, and still not working.  i just WANT A JOB!  but i guess honestly even if i find a job here in oly i will eventually have to move out and pay rent which will suck.  i just want to save so i can move where i really want to live instead of wasting my youth living somewhere that i cant seem to leave but never understand why.  yah i love it here, but its like just because its easy because i grew up.  time to start a new chapter.  time to be an adult.

i am so confused right now and i feel like everything has been so hard lately.  i think i just need to go to idaho, clear my head, be w family, try my very hardest to get a job, and see how it goes.  i know i dont have a problem w long distance relationships and i guess what is meant to be will be.  if he really really loves me he wont have a problem w it either and maybe its the test we need to take to see if we should even be together.

i just hate being faced w these decisions that are so life changing and so hard.  but i think something always points me in the right direction and i always make the right choice.  and maybe when i dont make the right choice it was because i was supposed to learn a very important lesson that helps me in the future.

i KNOW everything happens for a reason, and i think i just need to go with what i feel is right.  right now i am leaning towards idaho.  i want a job so bad, and i think if i really really try i will find one.  i mean i'll have to because i will have no other option.

uhg.  stressful.  i hate stress. but i think usually after every really bad time there comes a really good time.  if there were no bad times then we wouldnt appreciate how good, the good times are.  so thats that.  my life and thought for today.

on another note, call of duty came out today at like midnight.  ricky will probably be downstairs playing it untill all hours of the morning.  but whatever, i usually cant fall asleep till its light outside anway, really need to change that.

okay well i wrote more than i ever usually do so i am done.  dont forget that you can always leave comments, you dont have to sign in or anything, anyone can comment.  thats all :)

never gooddd enough;

so i always redo my heading, and i always love it at first, and then end up hating it a few days later.  i need to come up w like a logo or something.  i am such a terrible artist though and i dont have any good programs on the computer so it makes it hard.

i also havent made any sets in a while.  blah, havent felt very inspired lately.  i need to get out!  i think i just need to get out of this town.  i am feeling so over it right now.  i kinda just want to go back home to idaho.  and then ACTUALLY find a job, and save up for like a year and FINALLY move to la for good.  i feel like i am just wasting time right now, and you only live once.  i dont want to look back on my life and say, "wow i wish i would have done more when i was young."

i NEED to get my life together.  but its just been so effing hard for some reason.  uhg well i am done complaining. blahh.

glad to be out of the drama!

which sadly, doesnt make for a very interesting blog.  haha.  but i would rather thing thing not be filled w useless drama and be filled w more useful information.  so i will try and blog about some things i am interested in.  i havent felt like taking the time lately and i havent really come up w anything great.  i found those awesome old pics and that was about enough for me for a while.

anyway, it is holiday season so i am sure things will be more interesting soon.  and it will have nothing to do w/ drama.

oh one thing i have decided for certain; i like never want to live w roommates again.  i just want to live on my own!  or with my family :)  because roommate situations always turn out shitty because people in this world are far too selfish and imature.  sadly, i dont think anyone ever grows up and gets ovvvver the drama.

sooo, i just really need to find a good job so i can afford to live on my own.  i am just really over living in olympia.  i am sure i would miss it alot if i moved away, but i know i need a change.  and to really get on w my life.  its just too bad that to do that it takes money.  everything takes money, and there is no money right now because we live in the shitty usa.

okay well i am done ranting for now.  next blog: useful, interesting, information!! :)  goodnight.

our economy;

i am sooo sick of it being so bad.  it is seriously impossible to find a job right now.  very discouraging.  okay thats all i have to say.  i am just super super frustrated and really sick of being broke.  the end.

some things never change;

i'm still addicted to the notebook

okay i was thinking that would be a way longer list. it's weird how everything has changed.  i don't hate my parents anymore, i dont worry about what i eat anymore, and i am definitely not such a bitch anymore.  anyway who reads those old blogs...please remember they are just that, OLD; like as in 4 or 5 ish years ago.

i have grown up a ton.  but i love having those as a reminder of who i used to be.

hahaha, i had to put that on here.  i was like 16 in this picture.  how adorable..HA.  i hope everyone else is having as much fun w this walk down memory lane as i am.  probbbbably not!  okay i think thats all for tonight.

success is the best revenge.

"Success is the best revenge" -french proverb.

How very very true. Not that I care all that much about revenge. But this way you are only making yourself happy, killing two birds w one stone.

Well I will NOT be keeping anyone in my life that doesn't prove to me that they want to be in it; make an effort. Everything happens for a reason. There is nothing to be sad about when people walk, or fall out of your life. Through my eyes it is their loss, and I could honestly care less about their oppinion because they don't mean enough to be in my life anyway.

Wellll I guess that is all. I am pretty much bored of this blog. More tomorrow most likely!

Thoughts Upon a Window

"There's a mark above your eye,

You got it in July

You're fighting for your sister's reputation

You remember people's names

Valentines are lame

So you bring me flowers just for no occasion

Correct me if I'm wrong,

You're fragile and you're strong

a beautiful and perfect combination

I wanna know you!

I wanna go there, where you go

I wanna find out what you know

And maybe someday down the road,

I'll sit back and say to my self,

'yeah I thought so'"

so. i am super annoyed. i think some people need to reevaluate the meaning of "best friend". i dont even think i feel like going into detail about all of this. but honestly you thinking so highly of yourself and thinking i should be so upset when YOU decide to walk out of MY life does not make it actually happen. it just makes it easier to not care.

being a best friend means being selfless and caring about being there for the other person, not soley worrying about how this person is contributing to you, what they are doing for you. that is just being selfish...and how does that make sense.

i used to think that because i had been friends w someone for a really long time that that made them a better friend than the people i had met more recently. i was wrong. best friends are about being there when something goes wrong. not being judgemental and rude and trying to change the person, but accepting how they are and helping them. best friends are about forgiveness, because no one is perfect. best friends are about hoping for the others happiness and nothing less, not so much about worrying about what is the right thing and the wrong thing. because regardless you are still there for the person. best friends are about the good times, having fun and laughing. talking about things that dont matter.

it has taken me a long time, but i know now more than ever what a best friend is. and i will not be told anymore that i am not a good best friend anymore. i am who i am and my "best friend" of ALL people should accept that.

on another note; i just started listening to my sisters boyfriends music for the first time and i really like it. check pete jacobs out at myspace.com/englishstandard. his music is really good!

i came up w another fragrence idea i realllly liked the other day. i really need to get on working on that. maybe i will do it right now. why not? ricky is just playing his xbox like he has been since he got back! sooo fun to watch! haha.

well that is alllll for right now.

crackberry.

I am so addicted to my phone its pathetic. I feel like I can honestly say I have never been addicted to anything, but now I am realizing that my phone is an addiction. I do not know what I would do w out my blackberry! It keeps my life together and can always keep me entertained. Its kind of sad though that I never get off it.

Its kind of weird to think that some people consider people who just sit on their phones all the time as anti social, but how can that be right. More like OVER social! Because all I do on my phone is socialize in many different ways.

Well this is kind of a dumb blog but I just felt like saying something about it. I am really really in the blogging mood right now so I plan on doing some work on mine later today. Right now I am going to go back to watching the tyra show and missing you!

If you aren't already, follow me on twitter!

my theory on life;

so i finally found something i feel like talking about. after having a conversation w my sister about everything going on i think i am seeing things alot more clearly.

i was thinking about typing it all out how i feel about it but i think it will make more sense if i just copy and paste our conversation because that was what was said w out thinking too hard, and thats when i say the best things. :)

Rhiannon i just think everyone here only cares about themselves.

Tara well everybody wants something back for doing something good..
it's hard to accept the fact that you don't always
i don't know if it's really healthy too...
i just sort of have..
& i'm still happy to do good things for my friends
people appreciate it more then they say i think

Rhiannon yah well i just dont think of it all complicated like that. i am simply just there when some one needs me and try to be the best person i can. and i just dont have the mind set to be out for myself...
i just dont even understand what its like to be like that. i am just trying to live a happy life and thats all

Tara it's just like.. when.. we would do the dishes.. but not get paid or thanked for it.. it was just expected.. but it was something nice that we did.. didn't it piss you off a bit..
kinda make you upset?

Rhiannon well i didnt like doing it but the older i get the more it makes sense because they felt disrespected by us for not understanding that they give us food and a roof and rides and money to do things and we found it SO hard just to do the dishes...its all miscommunication
i think respect and showing respect is just a really hard thing to master
i mean thats honestly what ruined ricky and my relationship

Tara yeah i dunno... they never really gave me rides anywhere... and i was reeaalllly busy in high school so i got annoyed
people don't pay enough attention to anything

Rhiannon yah but at the same time they were probably annoyed that they thought we didnt appreciate what they DID do so they just gave up...

Tara and they pay too much attention to the wrong things
there's really no way to get life right.. you just gotta keep going

Rhiannon to themselves and material things, thats all anyone cares about anymore

Tara yeah money is a biiig problem with personal relationships
and it really shouldn't be
it's ridiculous

Rhiannon im proud of myself for getting over that, i might drive a shitty car and not have alot of clothes but at least i am generally happy and have my family and some people i call good friends

obviously because this is a conversation between us it is kind of confusing. but i think the whole point is that people just really need to think about what is actually important in life. and unfortunatly the people who need to most will probably always think that the type of car they drive and the brand of jeans they wear is what is important. but at the end of your life i think its how you treated people, and the fun times you had. and the people who you loved.

and even if it ends in tears, you were happy at one time about it. sometimes i like to think that the quote "its better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all" isnt true, but it really is. because love is an amazing feeling, whether its for your family, your friends, or a guy.

i dont even know where i am going w this. i might add more later once i start thinking even more. my best peice of advice to everyone is dont let time slip away, live every day to the fullest and be the best person you can because when you look back you want to have a life that you enjoy reliving through memories.

i dont even know what to do w myself;

so this weekend was definitely a crazy one. friday night was kinda random, went to alot of different places but ended up w ricky at my house. and then his house to sleep. it was fun, a good night. natalie was super drunk and super funny and i actually spent some time hanging out with brittney which i think was good.

then saturday was summer jam. which...started out good, or maybe even great. and ended in completely the opposite. i dont even wanna talk about it anymore because i have talked about it way too much lately and i would rather just forget about it, but it was pretty much a nightmare.

i thought maybe writing in this would help but i dont even know what to say. i am trying so hard to be strong and get over it but when someone means so much to you its hard. i just want us to work things out like we always do. and like last night i thought that was what was going to happen. but now we arent even talking as of today and i seriously cant focus. uhg i think writing in this is just frustrating me alot more. not helping at all. so thats it.

trying this out;

so i am not exactly sure if i will end up using this or not. i used to always use my myspace blog but now i almost never get on myspace and dont really see a reason to even get on the blog either. but seeing as how i am not even sure if anyone will read this i'm not sure if i will see a point in continuing it. unless i decide to post links to it on twitter or maybe facebook...mmm really not sure.

but i find blogging a huge destresser regardless of if anyone reads it or not! so i willlll probably end up using it.

so my life: its friday, very happy about this fact. although it has been a fairly relaxed week. well at least the end of it has been. the begining was pretty hectic since my boss was getting ready to go on vaca.

i am really hoping this weekend is going to be a good one. i am planning on going to summer jam tomorrow with kenzie and kristen but i am still waiting for kenzie to buy the tickets, today is the last day and we still havent gotten them so i am crossing my fingers that she does today!! i reallllly wanna go. i am still trying to decide if i wanna go get a new id today since mine is expired and if i dont i wont be able to go to the beer gardens. i really should just go do it after work since i am technically not even legal to drive right now.

well that is all for now i think, i should probably get some work done for a little. i might write more before i go. i really need to figure out how to use this on my blackberry! is there maybe an app for it? that would be amazing. well anyone that reads this...follow me on twitter: rhiannonXOXO.

happppppy friday!