sooo, i hadn't updated this thing in months. not because i didn't want to, just because i haven't really had a chance.
so i sort of redid/renamed it. and I'm not sure if I'll keep it but i wanted to start something new.
hopefully i will find some more time to work on this. STILL have not gotten a laptop (ridiculous, i know). but i wont settle for anything less than a mac book & i am working very hard on getting one. so as i repeatedly say: SOON! :)
Wow, I have not blogged since before I moved! Well that makes sense because I don't have a lap top (stilll unfortunately...saving up for a Mac Book) but it is a real bummer. I have had a lot of artistic thoughts and things to blog about but no way to do so. So I am at least going to do a written one w an update on my life so that it is not mistaken that this blog has been simply abandoned! Because I would never do that!
What is new; well what isn't new really. Everything is new & exciting for me right now. I am managing a coffee stand & working part time at a tanning salon, & hopefully starting at another coffee stand next week. I have become a total workaholic and I love it.
It feels really good to be totally supporting MYSELF for the first time in my life & I never want to go back to having it any other way. I just moved into a brand new apartment that I love, all by myself, no roommates! But the awesome thing is two of the friends I have made since I have been here live right upstairs!
Yes, my apartment is very empty since I have never lived on my own before. But I am slowly working on that. I should have a bed by later today and then I'm aiming for a microwave & toaster, & eventually a couch. I have NEVER in my life wanted to have any of these things because I move around so much I have thought of them as a hassle. But I realize now that its time to grow up, & grown ups need toasters and couches! :)
Another thing I am really working towards is a new car. As soon as I feel stable (which getting an apartment was the first step) I plan on getting on. It just feels really good to be working so hard and not having to rely on anyone but myself. Although my mom did help me a little w my apartment (I will not leave out credit where credit is due). And I most certainly could not have done this w out jolene renting me a room in her house & loading me up w towels, toilet paper, and noodles.
Of course there is Mr. R who has been the most help in my recent life. It would be unfair not to mention him. However that is a whole nother story & my blog is not about my "love" life, its about life in general on the rare occasion that I actually blog about me & not amazing clothes & music.
Let's get one thing straight though...getting where I am now was no walk in the park. Not only did it take years of struggles & growing up, & giving up to finally realize what I know now. But it also took A LOT of risk and hard work over the last few months. One thing I have learned is ALWAYS go w your gut feeling because there is always a reason it is trying to tell you something. & if you aren't willing to take risks than you will miss out on so much that life has to offer. Everything falls together exactly as it should to either help you or teach you a lesson that you cannot go on w out learning.
Its crazy to look back and think of how much I have stressed in the last few months let alone my entire life, only to realize that everything worked out, & the things that didn't taught me more than I could imagine. To me there is no meaning to live except just to live it, to be scared, to be nervous, but to take risks. To be yourself, what comes naturally, and to grow & learn.
Blah I always feel so scattered when I write these damn things. Well I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing a year from now, or even 6 months from now...but I have faith in myself. Anything is possible, never stop believing that!
Okay, so FINALLY I am stoked to post a list of the new music I just downloaded. I seriously suggest you check all these songs out too and have them on your pre-summer playlists.
1. Airplanes ft Hayley Williams - B.o.B
2. Winner ft Justin Timberlake & T.I.. - Jamie Foxx
3. Don't Let Me Fall - B.o.B.
4. Body Bounce ft Akon - Kardinal Offishall
5. My Boo - Cold Flamez
6. As We Enter - Nas & Damian Marley
7. She Makes Me Feel Alright - Freeway
8. Shut Up & Let It Go ft Lady Bee - Sidney Samson
9. Make You Love Me - Prince Charlez
10. Toot It & Boot It - YG
11. All I Want Is You ft J. Cole - Miguel
12. 143 ft Ray J - Bobby Brackins
13. That Tree ft Kid Cudi - Snoop
14. 69 Chevy ft Kurupt - Dr. Hollywood
15. Like A G6 - FM (aka Far East Movement)
16. Super High ft Ne-Yo - Rick Ross
17. It's No Getting Over ft Chris Willis - David Guetta
18. I'm In The House ft Zuper Blahq - Steve Aoki
19. Text ft Mann - Jason Derulo
20. I Do My Thing ft Snoop - Kid Cudi
So, I have come to the conclusion that I am a terrible blogger. Not because I don't have ideas, things to blog about, or words to say, but because 1. it takes a lot of effort, and I'm pretty much just lazy. And 2. I can’t seem to write anything personal about myself without cringing and deleting it all to right an incredibly boring and dulled down version.
So clearly I've recently been blogging more about fashion and such. Because I love it, but I guess also because I am too afraid to tell about the real me. I am starting to wonder when this happened. I have blogged about the real me since I was fourteen, and now suddenly...I have nothing to say.
So (because clearly every paragraph in this post has to start with so) I really want to make a mid-new years ish resolution. To 1. put effort into this, expressing the things I love (like fashion) and 2. to talk about myself (and my life) with no fear of sounding whiney, cheesy, bitchy, or dumb.
We will see how this goes.
I have a feeling my life is about to get a little bit crazy. But they say you will never know if you can fly if you don't jump! That would be just one of the "cheesy" things I say to get myself through every day as calmly as possible, in a world where I have NO idea where I fit in or what my purpose is. Along with "Every day is a good day, some are just better than others." , "Life is like driving through a snow storm. Even though you can only see a few feet ahead of you, you just have to believe and trust that the road will continue to appear." and "Everything happens for a reason.". Although some might call these quotes lame or cliché, they really are what get me from one day to the next without a complete and total anxiety attack break down.
So WHOA, reading over all of that I think I possibly accomplished half of my goal. Now for the other half. Who's ready for a seriously long synopsis of what I think is in this summer? Maybe tomorrow... ;