something i havent done in a while;

So, I have come to the conclusion that I am a terrible blogger. Not because I don't have ideas, things to blog about, or words to say, but because 1. it takes a lot of effort, and I'm pretty much just lazy. And 2. I can’t seem to write anything personal about myself without cringing and deleting it all to right an incredibly boring and dulled down version.

So clearly I've recently been blogging more about fashion and such. Because I love it, but I guess also because I am too afraid to tell about the real me. I am starting to wonder when this happened. I have blogged about the real me since I was fourteen, and now suddenly...I have nothing to say.

So (because clearly every paragraph in this post has to start with so) I really want to make a mid-new years ish resolution. To 1. put effort into this, expressing the things I love (like fashion) and 2. to talk about myself (and my life) with no fear of sounding whiney, cheesy, bitchy, or dumb.

We will see how this goes.

I have a feeling my life is about to get a little bit crazy. But they say you will never know if you can fly if you don't jump! That would be just one of the "cheesy" things I say to get myself through every day as calmly as possible, in a world where I have NO idea where I fit in or what my purpose is. Along with "Every day is a good day, some are just better than others." , "Life is like driving through a snow storm. Even though you can only see a few feet ahead of you, you just have to believe and trust that the road will continue to appear." and "Everything happens for a reason.". Although some might call these quotes lame or cliché, they really are what get me from one day to the next without a complete and total anxiety attack break down.

So WHOA, reading over all of that I think I possibly accomplished half of my goal. Now for the other half. Who's ready for a seriously long synopsis of what I think is in this summer? Maybe tomorrow... ;

better to feel something, than nothing at all;

So right now while I am in a funk and am incredibly UNcreative, I would like to bring you some creativity still.  So I highly encourage you to check out my amazing sisters blog about her "BOYcott".  It is incredibly honest and well written and I am proud to call her my sister.  (For many other reasons as well.)  So please follow along her journey w/ out boys while I try to find my creativity again, maybe after the weekend so I am not so exhasted!  And anyway, I LOVE my sister and she deserves the recognition.

On a note about my life (a quick note) I am slightly worried I have become a shopaholic...I used to have a hard time spending money on clothes...now I can't think about anything else.  I spend pretty much all my time thinking about clothes I want, looking online for clothes I am going to buy, and going out and buying clothes.  Today after work I went to Wal-Mart (BARF) just to buy a plain white (boys undershirt) shirt to write Saints on for the Superbowl.  Not only did I buy that I got a pair of jeans for 3 dollars.  I don't even think its shopping I am addicted to...its SAVING...like finding the best sale and then I just HAVE to have it because its on sale and it's a great deal.  Well that shit adds up :)  Anyway I am so tired I just want to go lay in bed.  READ MY SISTERS BLOG!!

LIFE IS BITTERSWEET; THERE'S BEAUTY EVEN IN DEFEAT

comin out your mouth with your blah blah blah, zip your lip like a pad lock;

This Urban Outfitters shirt made me laugh.  And since I am incredibly lazy and tired after a very long seven days, this is as good of a post as you are going to get right now. :)

I start another 40 hour week tomorrow but I am very excited for the weekend ahead.  I am just going to use this blog as a little update on my life since I havent talked about me in a while.

Tomorrow I am going to do some blogging about what I thought about the grammys.  But right now I am DVRing it so I can watch it commercial free tomorrow after work.

So I have a question...didn't this used to have spell check...and why doesssn't it?!  I seriously need it!!

I've decided I actually kinda like Ke$ha's album.  Especially Blah Blah Blah, Stephen, and Backstaber!

So things to do this week: 1. Clean my room because I was going to do it today but I got sucked into online shopping and blogging.

2. Go to good will to get something "country" for Kia's going away party.

3. Get white shirts and make a super bowl shirt.  GO SAINTS!

4. WATCH THE GRAMMYS (TOMORROW) Already excited based on Yahoo! coverage!

Ehhh, I am over this.  Sorry it's been lame the last few days.  More exciting this week. BYE BYE.

two thousand and ten.

Okay.  So it's a new year.  Almost a month into a new year actually.  And I have yet to blog.  So lets change that!  I say this EVERY time, but I am really going to try to blog every single day.  I used to do it, and it's really not that hard.  So I am giving up farmville and cafe world, which is ALL I want to do once I sit down at the computer.  But I am not going to anymore.  Instead I am going to work on this.  Because this is HOPEFULLY more interesting for other people, and in a few years will certainly be more important to me than those.

So, since it is a new year...I am going to start by summing up 2009, then I want to post my favorite pictures of '09, and lastly, goals for 2010.  I want to do something different with this blog, but I havent figure out what yet.  So if anyone has any ideas on what they would find more interesting from or about me...please please please share. :)

keeping up;

Okay yay, so I got my blackberry to work so I can write posts from it! Perfect! Where would I be w out my blackberry? Haha I'm completely addicted.

Anyway, I would say it is officially winter break! My sister got home late the night before last, mandie is home today, and jolene comes home tomorrow!

I had like the best saturday ever over at joe and welks! Shots of vodka for every eff bomb and mimosas, lots of fist pumping and "house music dancing"...really just lots of dancing. I feel so lucky to have such amazing friends in my life.

Now my sisters here which is awesome. I only get to see her like twice a year but she is probably my favorite person in the whole world and I just have so much fun w her even when we just do nothing. We watched the hangover w the fam yesterday and its JUST as funny the third time seeing it.

Right now I have to be home to watch little joejoe which is kind of a bummer cause mandie just got home and my sister is out to lunch and stuff w her and I can't go but whatever. I only have to watch him till like 530 or so. And then hopefully there will be something fun to do tonight!

I CANT WAIT to see my girl jolene tomorrow, its gonna be a crazy few days while she is here. We are having "wasted all day wednesday" for old times sake and starting early. Hopefully a bunch of people will join in. This will be the first time jolene and I will be legal to drink together! I better start drinking LOTS of water today.

Well I think that is a pretty good update for now, and since I can at least WRITE, well gotta go my sisters here!

back at it with a new approach;

hello lovers, jesh i havent been updating this in like a month.  welll, i am back.  and i am going to try to be much more dedicated.

okay so i am getting frustrated because WHY can't you find people's blogs by they're "following" info or whatever?!  someone PLEASE help me w/ this before it drives me crazy! haha.


soooo as far as life.  well i am so excited that my AMAZING SISTER comes home on saturday for almost a month.  and so do a bunch of other people i love, and a bunch more that i dont care to see :/  but it is the holidays and so it should be fun.

everything is going to come together for me in this next year, i can feel it.  its allll going to happen.  this is going to be my year of really doing it big and getting where i want to be.  such an exciting thought.  i dont know where exactly life will take me but i know its going to be where I WANT to go!

so, i am going to be writing hopefully daily, i used to be able to do this on my blackberry but last time i tried it wouldnt work so i will try and get that working.  and besides writing i am going to fill this with much much more so stay tuned lovelys, things are about to get interesting ;)

enter galactic love connection;

so, i got my car to work today.  finally.  but of course every simple little thing w my car is and all day adventure.  i think i got about an hour of sleep last night.  by the time i could fall asleep my phone was ringing off the hook.

tomorrow i am getting a temporary phone to use since my main one is shut off cause i'm broke.  my mom has an extra line i can use, but its not blackberry.  but at least i will be able to call and txt so that is good.

not going to lmfao tomorrow.  bummer.  but whatever.  i guess i might be going to warren miller on friday.  and then i need to figure out when i am going to leave for idaho.  im guessing monday at the latest.  but i have to check the passes.

loving the new kid cudi cd.  and lala.com since you can listen to like everything for free.  its great.

welllll i am bored of this already.  so so so excited for xmas when my sister comes home.  christmas break is fun fun fun.  byebye now.

no one ever said life would be easy, no one said it would be this hard;

so, i need to decide if i want to move back to love w my parents, or stay in oly.  its basically either follow my head or follow my heart.

i think i will be able to find a job in idaho, and save, and then get my life back on track and eventually save enough to move to idaho.

or i can stay in oly and keep trying to find a job even though i am starting to doubt i ever will, and be w ricky.  but we fight so much because i have no job, and half the time i want to go back home because we arent getting along.

but i mean what if i cant find a job in idaho.  then i would be over there, missing ricky, and still not working.  i just WANT A JOB!  but i guess honestly even if i find a job here in oly i will eventually have to move out and pay rent which will suck.  i just want to save so i can move where i really want to live instead of wasting my youth living somewhere that i cant seem to leave but never understand why.  yah i love it here, but its like just because its easy because i grew up.  time to start a new chapter.  time to be an adult.

i am so confused right now and i feel like everything has been so hard lately.  i think i just need to go to idaho, clear my head, be w family, try my very hardest to get a job, and see how it goes.  i know i dont have a problem w long distance relationships and i guess what is meant to be will be.  if he really really loves me he wont have a problem w it either and maybe its the test we need to take to see if we should even be together.

i just hate being faced w these decisions that are so life changing and so hard.  but i think something always points me in the right direction and i always make the right choice.  and maybe when i dont make the right choice it was because i was supposed to learn a very important lesson that helps me in the future.

i KNOW everything happens for a reason, and i think i just need to go with what i feel is right.  right now i am leaning towards idaho.  i want a job so bad, and i think if i really really try i will find one.  i mean i'll have to because i will have no other option.

uhg.  stressful.  i hate stress. but i think usually after every really bad time there comes a really good time.  if there were no bad times then we wouldnt appreciate how good, the good times are.  so thats that.  my life and thought for today.

on another note, call of duty came out today at like midnight.  ricky will probably be downstairs playing it untill all hours of the morning.  but whatever, i usually cant fall asleep till its light outside anway, really need to change that.

okay well i wrote more than i ever usually do so i am done.  dont forget that you can always leave comments, you dont have to sign in or anything, anyone can comment.  thats all :)

glad to be out of the drama!

which sadly, doesnt make for a very interesting blog.  haha.  but i would rather thing thing not be filled w useless drama and be filled w more useful information.  so i will try and blog about some things i am interested in.  i havent felt like taking the time lately and i havent really come up w anything great.  i found those awesome old pics and that was about enough for me for a while.

anyway, it is holiday season so i am sure things will be more interesting soon.  and it will have nothing to do w/ drama.

oh one thing i have decided for certain; i like never want to live w roommates again.  i just want to live on my own!  or with my family :)  because roommate situations always turn out shitty because people in this world are far too selfish and imature.  sadly, i dont think anyone ever grows up and gets ovvvver the drama.

sooo, i just really need to find a good job so i can afford to live on my own.  i am just really over living in olympia.  i am sure i would miss it alot if i moved away, but i know i need a change.  and to really get on w my life.  its just too bad that to do that it takes money.  everything takes money, and there is no money right now because we live in the shitty usa.

okay well i am done ranting for now.  next blog: useful, interesting, information!! :)  goodnight.

some things never change;

i'm still addicted to the notebook

okay i was thinking that would be a way longer list. it's weird how everything has changed.  i don't hate my parents anymore, i dont worry about what i eat anymore, and i am definitely not such a bitch anymore.  anyway who reads those old blogs...please remember they are just that, OLD; like as in 4 or 5 ish years ago.

i have grown up a ton.  but i love having those as a reminder of who i used to be.

hahaha, i had to put that on here.  i was like 16 in this picture.  how adorable..HA.  i hope everyone else is having as much fun w this walk down memory lane as i am.  probbbbably not!  okay i think thats all for tonight.

i've been at this for a long time;

soooo, i just got like really really bored, bored enough that i looked to see if my old blogs are still online.  well, yep; they are.  so if you care to check them out, they are from like junior year: VIVA LA BELLA [by rhiannon elizabeth] and so_tan_xX funnnny stuff!  and actually my blog from like a year a half ago is online too at my myspace page!  my life used to be alot more interesting, thats for sure.

okay, well that is pretty much all.  i am not doing anything on this saturday night; just watching one tree hill oldies and craving: cookie dough, jack in the box hash browns, anywheres breakfast sandwhich, a slurpie, and about a million other things. so. lame.

xoxo

downtown;

soooo, last night i went downtown w natalie, des, and sarah to see devin the dude.  i am pretty sure i saw about 2 minutes of him because i got way too drunk and wanted to go home.  i am such a light weight now, seeing as how i never drink anymore.  i guess its good because i def dont have to spend as much.  but yahhh, it was pretty fun i guess.  i had ricky come get me at like 12.

thats pretty much all that is new.  hopefully going halloween shopping this weekend.  i need to go up to seattle to get the dress i want to wear.  still not sure what i am going to do, i guess there is alot of fun stuff going on downtown but i would really rather go to a party i think.  well whatever. thats all. bye bye.

halloween;;

okay so i decked my blog out in a halloween/fall theme.  fun fun.  i like this alot better.  figured out a way better way to do the graphics.  okay, enough boring talk.

i know what i am going to be for halloween, do you?!  i'm not telling.  very excited, i actually have two ideas.  hopefully there will be two parties, or more! bye bye.

new heading;

ehhh, so i made a new heading.  but it looks super sloppy.  not a fan at all.  i might try a way harder way of making it, but it will look alot better.  we will see.  and i kind of want to make a halloween one so i think i am going to work on that for now.

well i dont really have anything exciting to say.  i pretty much spend all my time watching one tree hill oldies or looking for a job.

i have decided the hills is kinda of boring lately.  like i feel like nothing really happens every episode.  and wtf is going on w stephanie's face?  she looks like a cartoon character.  she def needs to lay off the plastic surgery.

excited for tomorrow night.  downtown should be fun.  at least i hope.  thatttts all.

"nothin' to roll with"

well, i have been super lame lately.  i got addicted to this stupid cafe world game on facebook and pretty much spent my entire weekend playing it.  wowwww i am a loser.  but good news, i am pretty much over it.

so anyway, i went on a super job search last week.  so hopefully that works out.  because being broke is boring.

i am getting sooo excited for halloween.  someone really needs to have a sweet party.  like thursday, friday, and saturday night!

i'm excited for wednesday because i guess some guy devin the dude is playing down at the royal so we are having a girls night and going to that.  and i am pretty sure there is alot of other fun stuff going on that night.  can't wait.  okayyy, well my life is pretty boring right now.  just thought i would update since i forgot to for like a week,  now i am going to go back to watching my one tree hill oldies and then bed.

tomorrow gotta try and find a job again, nice and early.  goodnight everyone.

something to say;

so i usually never have annnything to write in this at all.  i guess my life has maybe just been really boring?  i'm not sure, but i finally feel like writing in here again.

sooo, basically i feel like i have a ton to do today.  have to go to the bank and sell my bed to someone.  tomorrow i absolutly have got ot find a job.

i am getting super super excited for halloween.  im stoked its on a saturday because hopefully there will be 2 parties this year.  i guess if i am lucky.  and i am 21 so i always have the option of going downtown, but i am not sure i will want to.  i have decided i want to dress up as lady gaga, and if there is something to do on friday as a princess.  i already have my outfits all planned out i just have to go buy the stuff.  one thing i have to say about halloween is that i HATE the cheezy "sexy" costumes they sell at the stores that everyone buys.  oly is notorious for them.  i wish people would be more origanal.  its soo much more fun.  and you dont have to just throw away or put in the back of your closest forever the stuff you buy for it.

okay well i am going to start getting ready to get some stuff done today.  hopefully i can pry ricky of the stupid xbox.  more soon i'm sure. love love.

Thoughts Upon a Window

"There's a mark above your eye,

You got it in July

You're fighting for your sister's reputation

You remember people's names

Valentines are lame

So you bring me flowers just for no occasion

Correct me if I'm wrong,

You're fragile and you're strong

a beautiful and perfect combination

I wanna know you!

I wanna go there, where you go

I wanna find out what you know

And maybe someday down the road,

I'll sit back and say to my self,

'yeah I thought so'"

so. i am super annoyed. i think some people need to reevaluate the meaning of "best friend". i dont even think i feel like going into detail about all of this. but honestly you thinking so highly of yourself and thinking i should be so upset when YOU decide to walk out of MY life does not make it actually happen. it just makes it easier to not care.

being a best friend means being selfless and caring about being there for the other person, not soley worrying about how this person is contributing to you, what they are doing for you. that is just being selfish...and how does that make sense.

i used to think that because i had been friends w someone for a really long time that that made them a better friend than the people i had met more recently. i was wrong. best friends are about being there when something goes wrong. not being judgemental and rude and trying to change the person, but accepting how they are and helping them. best friends are about forgiveness, because no one is perfect. best friends are about hoping for the others happiness and nothing less, not so much about worrying about what is the right thing and the wrong thing. because regardless you are still there for the person. best friends are about the good times, having fun and laughing. talking about things that dont matter.

it has taken me a long time, but i know now more than ever what a best friend is. and i will not be told anymore that i am not a good best friend anymore. i am who i am and my "best friend" of ALL people should accept that.

on another note; i just started listening to my sisters boyfriends music for the first time and i really like it. check pete jacobs out at myspace.com/englishstandard. his music is really good!

i came up w another fragrence idea i realllly liked the other day. i really need to get on working on that. maybe i will do it right now. why not? ricky is just playing his xbox like he has been since he got back! sooo fun to watch! haha.

well that is alllll for right now.

So I've been wanting to write for a while now but just haven't really known what to say. The last few weeks have been kind of crazy but not in the way that you are probably thinking. And not in the way that I normally mean crazy.

Well I guess the last thing I wrote about were plans to go to the beach. Well I have to say being off work was amazing, finally going to the ocean w ricky was amazing, and seeing all my family was amazing. I certainly had a great trip that I will remember forever, and I think mostly for a reason that doesn't need to be shared because it is a personal memory that I want to keep to myself.

Then on saturday I had my family reunion in port gamble which was a lot of fun actually. I learned a lot about my grandpa and his brothers and sisters. And port gamble is a super cute little town that I had never been to. I think that was about all for my weekend.

So I certainly wasn't excited to go back to work on monday and was just so over my job and feeling like quiting. And when I got there they let me go because they wanted someone w more experience which actaully made my day. I know that everything happens for a reason so I am not worried about it.

The week was hectic, rickys family moved into his new amazing house so there was lots to be done.

And then this last weekend was rickys last weekend. It was a really good one. He had a party at his old house on friday night and saturday his sister had a birthday party at the new house.

Then on sunday we drove east and he went to college and I came home for the week.

So that's where I am now, laying in my bed at my parents house. And he's gone to college and I'm not sure when ill see him next. All I have to say is this is really hard and I don't want to talk about it anymore than that.

So that's the update for now.

"extreme tubing' and beach bound.

so the weekend was pretty fun but very mellow. i just hung out w ricky durring the day and then went to bed fairly early at night. natalie was out of town and brittney was sick so i felt like there was pretty much nothing to do. which was fine by me because i have been extremely tired lately.

saturday we took the boat out though which was alot of fun. i am extremely beat up from tubing though. the soreness is finally starting to go away but the bruises on my legs are not.

so i need to go home to do a couple errands and meet up w ricky. then i believe we are going to get lunch at quiznos since its buy one get one for a dollar, whoop whoop. and then we are driving to my beach house in long beach. i cant wait. all my family from my dads side is there so it should be alot of fun. and ricky will finally get to meet some of my family. i am super bummed my step mom couldnt make it though. but it will be nice to spend the week w family and little joe!

i am supppper anxious! time couldnt go by fast enough. hopefully i will be able to post on this from my cell while i am there since i am sure there is no computer at the beach house. if not then updates when i get back! xoxo

eating: reduced fat triscuits, almonds, and craisons. [& water]
listening to: classic rock station on slacker. [free ride by edgar winter]

so i didnt get much of that list done yesterday cause ricky called me to go out on his boat. it was fun and much needed w how hot it has been the last few days {& today}

i think the plan is to possible go out on the boat again today?! i am so ready to be off work. but i dont have too much to do so its kinda nice.

blehhh i'm bored. better stuff luego.