no one ever said life would be easy, no one said it would be this hard;

so, i need to decide if i want to move back to love w my parents, or stay in oly.  its basically either follow my head or follow my heart.

i think i will be able to find a job in idaho, and save, and then get my life back on track and eventually save enough to move to idaho.

or i can stay in oly and keep trying to find a job even though i am starting to doubt i ever will, and be w ricky.  but we fight so much because i have no job, and half the time i want to go back home because we arent getting along.

but i mean what if i cant find a job in idaho.  then i would be over there, missing ricky, and still not working.  i just WANT A JOB!  but i guess honestly even if i find a job here in oly i will eventually have to move out and pay rent which will suck.  i just want to save so i can move where i really want to live instead of wasting my youth living somewhere that i cant seem to leave but never understand why.  yah i love it here, but its like just because its easy because i grew up.  time to start a new chapter.  time to be an adult.

i am so confused right now and i feel like everything has been so hard lately.  i think i just need to go to idaho, clear my head, be w family, try my very hardest to get a job, and see how it goes.  i know i dont have a problem w long distance relationships and i guess what is meant to be will be.  if he really really loves me he wont have a problem w it either and maybe its the test we need to take to see if we should even be together.

i just hate being faced w these decisions that are so life changing and so hard.  but i think something always points me in the right direction and i always make the right choice.  and maybe when i dont make the right choice it was because i was supposed to learn a very important lesson that helps me in the future.

i KNOW everything happens for a reason, and i think i just need to go with what i feel is right.  right now i am leaning towards idaho.  i want a job so bad, and i think if i really really try i will find one.  i mean i'll have to because i will have no other option.

uhg.  stressful.  i hate stress. but i think usually after every really bad time there comes a really good time.  if there were no bad times then we wouldnt appreciate how good, the good times are.  so thats that.  my life and thought for today.

on another note, call of duty came out today at like midnight.  ricky will probably be downstairs playing it untill all hours of the morning.  but whatever, i usually cant fall asleep till its light outside anway, really need to change that.

okay well i wrote more than i ever usually do so i am done.  dont forget that you can always leave comments, you dont have to sign in or anything, anyone can comment.  thats all :)